Contentment

Well as most of you know and as you can see from my blog, I usually do not update often or with many words. This blog's purpose for me has been more of a photo gallery for Carson for out-of-town family and friends to enjoy seeing him grow. Today, I just felt like I want to type a little blurp on contentment. This has been something God has been trying to teach me and my heart has been yearning for a while now. I read a verse this week that talked about having stillness and quietness in your soul and it has been in my mind all week. (Ps. 131:2- also about a weaned child which has been at the forefront of my mind and heart for the past 2 weeks.) Today, I wanted to just take a deep breath and enjoy my day...not frantic about what I needed to get done, in what order and by what time but just enjoy a day off from work at home with my boys! As Larry has pointed out before, I get stressed about being stressed and I simply DO NOT want that to be the character trait that come to mind when people think about me. Beyond that vain motivation, I hate the feeling of an anxious heart and know that it is unbiblical. Finally, as I was holding my sick but precious baby boy in my arms tonight I realized, he is watching me and the last thing I want is for his life to be lived in the wake of a frantic, anxious chaotic stressed out mom! I desparately want for him to have a still and quiet heart of calm, trusting, peaceful contentment. Sure, most 1 year olds are anything but calm...I'm not talking about his behavior as much as the state of his heart and mind. I desire for him to have a deep seeded knowing that his mom and dad love him and that he is safe, provided for, cared for and he can trust us. Hoping that it will then translate into knowing he can trust his heavenly Father for all the same reasons - as He can love and provide for him so much beyond what we can even do.

As sentimental as I have been over him turning one and the growing up (and weaning) that comes with that, I am realizing all the more to cherish every single solitary moment with him!!! Listening to so many sweet friends talk yesterday about taking there "babies" to their first day of school, I am reminded of how quickly the days and now years do and will go by...cherish the moments. Like today, I was trying to put away some laundry in Carson's room while he was supposed to be entertaining himself with his toys as he usually does quite well. Since he has not been feeling well the past few days, he has been much more whiny and clingy and was just at my feet the whole time fussing. Finally, I put it all down, picked him up, rocked him and played with his farm toy then proceeded to plop on the couch with him and turn on cartoons. It felt so foreign to me and that broke my heart! I thought to myself, this is the type of moment you have always dreamt of...having a child of your own, cuddling on the couch with cartoons on. I've been so caught up in wanting the "always picked up and clean house" and the "no TV til their 3" and "they need to be independent enough to entertain themselves" mentality that I often fail to fully embrace the moments that he just needs his mommy to stop everything and hold him. period. And tonight as I was feeding him his bottle before bed, he fell asleep in my arms...usually, I'm thinking about getting him down quickly so I can be productive during his sleeping hours, veg a little, or "gotta put them down before they are fully asleep or they will always expect to be rocked" thought...but tonight, I set there in that rocking chair with my baby boy and cherished hearing his breathing in my ear, feeling his exhausted head on my shoulder...knowing that these moments are fleeting...I wanted to take a mental picture and never forget it. Oh how good The Father is! So much better to me than I deserve- praise Him for grace- undeserved favor! Thank you Father for the blessings! May my heart and soul be quiet and still before You as I trust You and find contentment in You alone!